Do you every feel like screaming, but can’t because you’re afraid you’ll seem like a fool?
Do the negative thoughts that others say go racing nonstop in your head?
Do you want someone to listen, but are afraid of what they’ll think?
I do, every day. Every day, I am Screaming Inside for someone to listen to my truth. I want, not someone, but everyone to be able to understand what is really going on in my daily living, my thoughts, my relationships… my life. One thing is for sure, I do not want pity. I make choices and made in choices in my life, definitely not all good, more bad, that being said, you should not feel pity for someone who knows exactly what they are doing or what has been done to them. What I am seeking then, if I don’t want someone to feel bad for me or a knight shiny armor man to rescue me? I want other women, hell even men, that can relate to my stories to run, run fast, run the hell out of the situation you are in.
Honestly, I am just tired of holding back what is really happening in my life. What do I mean by that? Now, I can take this in many ways, but what I mean is , the daily dysfunctional situations that happen. There is always one side of the story; I guess by me writing my story, I can be told that this is considered one-sided. I get it, I may be called a hypocrite and maybe I am. Now, you see how I just wrote that sentence? I admitted I was being somewhat of a hypocrite, there is a difference, I am being honest. Yes, by me telling my story can be and is one-sided however the truth is mine, it is the truth. I can promise in my story persons words will never be twisted, revised, re-worded, everything is word by word. The situations are exactly as happened, it will never be the way I thought it happen. If I can’t be honest even writing my story, then that makes me fake; being fake is a person I never want to be.
Now I have other reason as well why I want to blog about my life. Honestly, I can just write about my life without having people to stalk me, right? Why listen to false information, when I can give you, the real shit, hot off the press, real life truth? Unless you’re the type that likes fake news and believes everything people tell you. I mean really, I only have a handful, well, not even a handful of enemies that dislike me. I will later on give explanations of how these few relationships got sour; most are from childhood or some issues that these people have a hard time with letting go, that they are unable to let go of and move on.
It can be a full-time job, to investigate on someone, and this is not having “private investigation certification” and experience (I don’t even know if that even makes sense, lol). I can probably name one person, which I won’t because I do have respect, who will devote their time to be on Facebook to stalk me and I guarantee they probably Google my name once a month. If they didn’t know they could do that, they are more than likely about to do it now).
I also feel I have a calling to write my story. I have an unpublished book that I wrote back in 2006, about my childhood, about my heartbroken relationship, about how my life fell completely apart. It is now, 2021, and I have done nothing with it, it is beautifully written, it’s 150 pages, it has roughly 12 chapters and I included a lot of my personally poetry that I wrote the years before. I have a talent of writing, writing truth, writing the truth, and I am tired of waisting it. I feel that I can actually help others to get past the trails and tribulations that life throws at you, it isn’t always your fault. Furthermore, I did say we have choices; but we have a dark energy/force, negative people, evil doers that surround us. These forces do cause a deep negative impact on our lives. Something traumatic can happen to a good person, a person who had it all together, so positive, so sweet, good job, college graduate, this person could have the world in their hands, but then ‘it” happens. And that ‘it” can be a family death, toxic/abusive relationship, job loss, that one night of drinking behind the wheel, that one “it” can cause years of being stuck and trap in a life of regret, depression, crisis, chaos…
My point, I need to stop wasting my time, there is a lot of humorous nonsense in my life and I don’t want this used against me. I have a sole purpose to help people open their eyes to different of abuse.
Here’s the real stuff: Abuse is real, whether it comes from a male or female, abuse is not always a man hitting a woman; abuse comes in many forms. Mental and Emotional Abuse can be just as damaging to the mind and soul. I can’t stand when someone says, “It’s just words, get over it”, these types of apathetic people they don’t understand words fucking HURT. My story is for everyone that experiences some form of abuse; whether it’s from family, a partner, friends, or co-workers, neighbor’s, whoever. Maybe you don’t know what abuse is, maybe you don’t know what the signs are, you probably didn’t know different types existed. People don’t realize when they are in a toxic relationship or environment, they think it is completely normal behavior. Well, you are going to learn, from my personal experiences.
